My Regards to the Proud Mule
this fucking month will never end
FebreezeNinja grabbed my hand and lifted me from the blood soaked mud.
He tried to carry me to the fort, but I shook my head and pushed him away. I could still walk, he needed to save his efforts for those that couldn’t. I watched him pick through the bodies, throwing RZApublican over one shoulder and Shorter Than Some over the other.
*
I followed Febreeze to the clinic, giving reassurance where I could. The Great Hall was mute. The tables were still covered with half filled mugs from the celebrations that felt so long ago. The air felt heavier, sacrosanct, like one of those temples to Mondul. We were still victorious, but no longer did we feel invulnerable.
*
Febreeze dumped the injured pair into a single bed. He waved his hand at the moaning figures filling the beds in response to my quizzical look.
Febreeze tried to look at my wounds, but they were just couple of bruises; lives could be lost if time was wasted. I instead strode over and began talking to the soldiers one by one.
“It’s all my fault…” muttered RZApublican. “If only I hadn’t gone out there…” He refused to look at me. So I punched him in the shoulder. “By Mondul, what was that for?”
“I’m sorry, I thought some elf had played an illusion on me. I heard a bawling scoundrel, not strong RZA, who is so fearsome he drives trolls into our weapons, so tough that a great cat can chew him up and spit him out and he’ll still crawl to save the very fortress that forsook him. The only fault that lies here is with the dwarves that failed to help you after you sacrificed so much for them. And we paid for it. I just hope we learned our lesson.”
“But what will I do now? I can’t soldier, I can’t even march.”
“Why, one of our longest serving soldiers can’t move out of bed! Gemclod does not forget those who serve her! Hmm… perhaps I can transfer you to Commatoes’s squad? I’m sure you can learn much from his experiences.”
“Thank you, sir.”
“Thank you, soldier.”
I saluted him.
*
I spoke this way to every seriously injured dwarf there: RZA, who couldn’t stand, Daeren, who couldn’t close his hand anymore, and Shorter Than Some, who could do neither. I gave words of reassurances, reminded them of their heroic deeds, insisted to them that Gemclod would not toss aside her saviors this time. RZA and Shorter than Some, because they will never be able to march again, are transferred to the Fair Axes. Daeren’s injury might be a liability on the battlefield, but he could still be useful in keeping the peace, so I have him transferred to the Regal Mechanisms.
*
When I stepped outside I grabbed the attention of Atomikus. “Inform Mistress Boing,” I hissed, “that a flogging for my men is in order. I will not have my orders disobeyed again.”
*****
I was sitting in my office inspecting the reports of the events that occurred that fateful day. My gaze swept over maps, figures, testimonials. Suddenly, the door flies open. Vox Nihili stomped in with his faux-military gait.
“I want a word with you,” he spat at me.
“Pride is one thing, arrogance is another! You engage only when necessary. Prudence before honor! This is our darkest hour, when we need every dwarf more than ever. What you did threw away lives! To think, I had supported your silly insurrection.”
I deliberately placed my quill on the paperwork. Once I made sure it was perfectly level with the desk, I slowly pushed my throne back, drawing out the discomforting squeal of rock rubbing against rock. Vox, his eyes set on my every movement, gritted his teeth.
“I’ll preface this with that I respect your overseership, Praetor. Let me further say I respect your experience, Praetor. But you are no military man, despite your play-acting, Praetor. Why, you barely know how to pick up an axe.”
“As for accusations that I do not value dwarven life, let it be known that there is nothing I value more. The whole expedition was to rescue one of the fallen. No, stop. I know what you are going to say. More died saving him than would have died if we closed our gates and left him to rot. Your inexperienced idea of defense. The idea that got our entire civilization destroyed. No, we will not cower within the walls, waiting for our inevitable death. I am no worshipper of Mondul. If the enemy comes for us, we will meet him. We will make him fear us. We will make him hide within his walls. And then we will tear those walls away from him."
"I know my way works, I can tell you how. Never before has a child of Gemclod been able to play outside her walls without the mother. Now the dwarves know no fear.”
I suddenly jumped, toppling the desk and sending papers flying.
“I take accusations of treason very seriously!" I bellowed. "Do you really want to try to call me like the Arrogant Ones?!”
Vox Nihili’s expression through the whole scene changed not a tic. He just spun around and left, slamming the door behind him.
I bent over and began collecting the papers.
That’s when I remembered about the legitimate suspicions of treason.
*****
Boing tossed the dwarf into my room. She was grinning wickedly. “So how about we show this one the welcoming room?”
“No, that won’t be necessary. You are Pozzo, correct?”
“Yes.” The dwarf looked me straight in the eye, showing no fear. Perhaps, another day, another world, she’d have made a great recruit. I could have shaped that into something legendary.
I turned to the captain of the guard. “Escort her to the tombs.”
“Ooo, I like the way you think,” Boing laughed and picked Pozzo up by her neck.
*
Our footsteps echoed down the dark hall. “Eight… nine… ten. Here we are. You can release her now.”
Boing threw the dwarf to the base of the sarcophagus.
“Read it.” I commanded.
“This… is… the… resting… place… of…”
She hesitated.
“Read it!” I affirmed.
“Pozzo… Ablel… besmar…. Drunken… Sheriff.”
“How do you explain this?” I roared. I caught a gleam in Boing’s eye.
“Different Pozzos,” she answered dryly.
I embraced her. “I’m sorry for ever doubting you.”
Boing sighed with disappointment.
*****
A thorough EXAMINATION of the BATTLES and AMBUSHES that occurred during the months of FELSITE and HEMATITE
TOTAL KILLS CONFIRMED 121
Elf Pets 48
Elves 25
Trolls 13
Beakdogs 18
Goblins 17
TOTAL CASUALTIES 11
Deaths 8
Bedridden 3
DEATHS
Nombres
Final Kill Tally 1
Cause of Death Bleeding due to Goblin Hammer
Brainspawn
Final Kill Tally 0
Cause of Death Suffocated on blood
TehKeen
Final Kill Tally 2
Cause of Death Crushed Skull due to Goblin Hammer
TheWhaler
Final Kill Tally 0
Cause of Death Crushed Skull due to Goblin Hammer
Anchors
Final Kill Tally 4
Cause of Death Brain Pierced by Goblin Spear
Qvark
Final Kill Tally 0
Cause of Death Crushed Skull due to Goblin Hammer
Firos
Final Kill Tally 0
Cause of Death Brain Pierced by Goblin Spear
Breadmaster
Final Kill Tally 1
Cause of Death Bleeding due to Goblin Beakdog
CURRENT STATE OF THE MILITARY (Prior)
The Regal Mechanisms a.k.a. The City Guard
(2) 3 Dwarves Strong:
Captain Boing, Lasher
Apocadall, Hammer
Daeren, Recruit*
The Fair Axes a.k.a. The Limping Legion
(1) 3 Dwarves Strong:
Commander Commatoes, Axe
Shorter Than Some, Mace
RZApublican, Axe
The Crystals of Legend
(5) 3 Dwarves Strong:
Captain Vox Nihili, Axe
TripleA, Mace
Dire, Axe
Knives of Domination
(10) 8 Dwarves Strong:
Captain Repelex, Crossbow
Clanrat, Crossbow
Shark Mafia, Crossbow
Potato Jones, Crossbow
Ramc, Crossbow
Fizzle, Crossbow
John Charty Sprng, Crossbow
Arglebargle III, Crossbow
The Gilded Men
(10) 6 Dwarves Strong:
Overseer Minty, Axe
Atmks, Axe
Nimby, Hammer
LCQC, Axe
Deki, Recruit*
PureRok, Hammer
The New Paints
(10) 7 Dwarves Strong
Captain Teledahn, Axe
Zahrkon, Axe
Dirt5o8, Axe
64bitrobot, Axe
Lazarenth, Mace
Bene Elim, Sword
Getting Fat, Mace
The Axes of Chance**
(1) 1 Dwarf Strong
Captain Markus_cz
The Fenced Rythms**
(1) 1 Dwarf Strong
Captain Locomotive Breath
The Silvery Sinews**
(1) 1 Dwarf Strong
Captain Kaboom Dragon
The East Pulleys**
(1) 1 Dwarf Strong
Captain Leperfish
*"Recruit" designates that the soldier misplaced issued weapon in the field and has no preference for a replacement
**Reserve squads were not required to report weapon choice
CONCLUSIONS
Outfit with stronger helmets;
Require better following of orders in stressful situations;
Field inexperienced troops only in an auxiliary role;
Recruit to fill in losses;
Continue to raise new troops;
Voluntary recruitment was an abject failure, talent pool was exhausted, suggest lot drawing
GEMCLOD ENDURES
I have reviewed and verified the overseen,
OVERSEER MINTY VIRMOMUZ TUMAMOKUN SAMAM
******
I have heard that some of the newer citizens of Gemclod are snickering about our clothing choice. We are proud to wear the traditional garb of our dignified people. Hanging free not only prevents constriction and improves demeanors, but being exposed to the elements puts hair in beards. If they wish to frolic in tights they can join their elf brothers in the forest.
******
Our fame has spread. Our brothers, scattered all over the world, flock to the lantern that is Gemclod. Perhaps this will be the strike that turns our lead into gold.
Metagame talk: UGH
YeOldeButchere wrote :-
Journal of Yeol Deabo Tcher, Armorer and Weaponsmith of Gemclod
Lots of fighting lately. There were some minor losses, but nothing that I could blame on Minty to turn his subordinates against him. This is taking longer than expected. Just as importantly, and contrary to all my expectations, his "council" still hasn't imploded from bickering and idiocy. He's smart enough to keep the rest of the "nobility" content with bigger rooms than the rest of us, and other privileges. Maybe I underestimated him.
However, in any group you'll always find people who are dissatisfied. It just so happens that I saw Vox Nihili storm out of the Overseer's office looking none too pleased a little while ago.
This should be easy enough.
He's probably one of the least idiotic of the former overseers (faint praise), I doubt he approves of "councils" as a way to govern Gemclod based on his overseership, and he's a fellow worshiper of Kudust Axematched. It's a nice start. What should really help, though, is his animosity towards Boing and Minty's obvious preference of her over Vox. Anyone could see that.
I'll just approach him, and we'll talk for a bit. About how Minty isn't doing such a good job. About how Boing's crimes shouldn't have been forgotten so easily. About how, if I were in charge, all tombs would be restored to their rightful owners, an issue which everyone in this fortress has overheard him discuss at one time or another with whoever the reigning overseer is.
I'd say there's a good change there'll be one of Gemclod's militia captains on my side soon enough. Baby steps, diary. Baby steps.
Potato Jones wrote :-
"Mondul speaks not with a roar, but a whisper."
-An excerpt from Stukosdallith Mörul Tögum (Razorriddles the Pages of Verses)
Overheard in the conversations of Potato Jones Dorenlogem ...
You called for me, sir?
...
I would swear that you did. My mind must be intoxicated by the joy of slaughter, for it seems I hear many voices in exaltation as of late. Ease my mind, Praetor, you did not ask me to bring you raw adamantine, aye?
Mehuyael wrote :-
From the few writings of Mehuyael Vabokodroz, Stone-worker
Saw rare sight some days ago. A good sky cloud. Felt like putting it in stone.
I finished when the warriors returned from the battle. The Overseer, bruised but okay, went past the corridor with the cloud I put as I made sure it looked like my memory. He looked at it, then went to me and patted my shoulder, a strange look on his face. As he went I could maybe hear some words from him, 'none shall be left forgotten'.
I think I should find more good sky clouds.