DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH
Gemclod Personals
Upwardly mobile, athletic Sinead Oilycounsels lookalike on the edge of despair seeks dim and submissive he-dwarf for short term spore-transferral and possible long-term relationship opportunities. I will not lie my biological clock is ticking. Also I don't remember getting laid in the last seven years though this could just be alcohol related memory loss.... Actually what with the spores and all I've actually had sex with all of you, all at once, all of the time, forever.
But that doesn't really cut it, of course, I want a dwarf to call my own.
Likes:
- Long walks through the caverns
- CLOUDS OH MY GOD I LOVE CLOUDS
- Copious amounts of all kinds of booze, esp. Tuber beer
- All gems, but esp. Prase (Because it's cloudy, it reminds me of clouds)
- Booze of all sorts
- precious metals
- Liquor
- CLOUDS
- Rhyolite, too, just always had a thing for it, don't know why
You:
- Must be free of dirt, grime, blood, mud
- Constant projectile vomit a huge turn off, although
- Intermittent projectile vomit acceptable, as High Alcohol intake encouraged
- Must not have googly eyes, none of this "Raw umber eyes are protruding" bullshit. If your eyes are in front of your nose then you are a SNAIL and I am NOT INTERESTED.
- Must like cats. For companionship and the flavour.
Responses/applications with attached engraving (certified as accurate and non-glorified) to be delivered to any of the throne rooms you can find or stuck to a gem or a bar of silver or something. I'll find it.
Epee Em wrote :-
For the sake of the inherent hilarity of having the psychopathic butcher involved with the drunken overseer, I'll take it!
Edit: And I'm half fucking asleep at 4:40 am, so do not expect coherency of any sort. I sort of responded without thinking, lemee see here:
Likes:
- Obsidian. (It cuts things very well. Pretty color.)
- Squares. (The right angles. With 4 of them. Enjoyable.)
- Dwarven Beer. (Accept no substitutes. Damned shame about the blood brewing fiasco.)
- Black Bronze and Rose Quartz. (Three metals, two precious, in one bar. Efficient. Rose Quartz is a fickle thing.)
- Red-Winged Blackbird Bone. (I have yet to find a more satisfying sound than that made by the cleaver on this.)
Me:
- Normal Eyes. (Not outstanding nor remarkable, average is good.)
- Fuck Mussels. (You just crack the things open and there's your meat, it's like butchering for children.)
- Thrill-Seeker. (I'm replying to the Overseer's query for a spore-mate. This is self-evident.)
- Thin and Agile. (I know JUST how to direct my spores. In all those ways. Oh yes.)
- Butchery. (Everything about it is wonderful. I guarantee the best cuts of meat in Gemclod.)
HallsK wrote :-
Epee Em posted:
...
[*]Squares. (The right angles. With 4 of them. Enjoyable.)
Not sure why, but this dwarf description inspired a crappy MSpaint. Here y'go, plenty of right angles here.
Mehuyael wrote :-
Pozzo posted:
No takers? Successful applicants are guaranteed a life of opulence