14th Slate, 269: I immediately regret that decision

I immediately regret that decision

Should not have sent those new guys to the hospital just now



Well he was a good dwarf, and I am proud to count him as a guy that I knew for all of about 5 minutes


(Archiver's note: if it's not clear here, Thadius fell into the hospital well that has been flooding since the last update.)

Poor Thadius, who gave his life that we might have a dwarf flavoured water supply



Anyway, flooding hospital

“PULL THE GODDAMN RESERVOIR LEVER, MR. VILE ”




“Yes Ma’am!”

well that was easy

crisis averted
well, not for Thadius, but you know

It wasn’t really necessary to vomit on the lever as he pulled it but a nice personal touch all the same

Christ this hospital is a horrible fucking mess

I don’t even want to look at it anymore

I’m going somewhere else

DRINKS TIME

You know what this place needs?

A bar.

Right....HERE




FUCK YEAH

CLOUDS

Wait a minute

who is going to dig this



good old Astus

just digging away like a champion

Seriously though I need to cure the other miners

I wonder how Markus’ assignment going

“MAAAAARKUS”

really he should just have a string on him that I can just tug when I want updates

“FUUUUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKING MAAAAAARRRRKKKKUSSS”

“YES WHAT I’M HERE WHAT”

“How is that assignment coming along?”

“What? Oh. Well. A trifling thing. I went for a classic minimalist design...”



“A square.”

what
you didn’t invent the square you nutter
stop looking so smug

“I was really hoping for more of a cloud shape”

“Too late, Pozzo, too late”

He is getting far too big for his britches

anyway the bath will help but I really need to sort this hospital

helpfully the flood seems to have spread the vomit around a bit



And this random grey stuff as well

Loving the miasma

That really is a huge pile of vomiting dwarves there



Ok, that’s it

Something needs to be done about this shit

THE SPREAD OF NOLIO ENDS HERE

“Kaboom Gradoon! We need to stop this disease! Any ideas?!”

“Yes Pozzo, I think I have one...”



“...It involves drowning.”









Bene Elim wrote :-



Mr. Vile wrote :-



From the journal of "Mr. Vile" Organboots, Adequate Appraiser.

1st Granite 269
It is my expert appraisal that I hate my spleen. I don't even know what a spleen is, but I hate it.

20th Granite 269
By my calculations I have ejected at least eight times my own bodily weight in vomit. I don't even know how. At this point my appraisal is that the spleen serves as some sort of multidimensional vomit production facility, similar to the quantum stockpiles found in every fort.

13th Slate 269
Pozzo has ordered me to flood the hospital. I started to protest that it was the only place we could go for our spleenectomies but she told me to fuck off and get her a drink. At least, I think that's what she said, it was kinda hard to tell through all the vomiting.

14th Slate 269
Today I got to kill a dwarf. I thought I'd feel kinda bad about it, but firstly I threw up on the lever to renew my appraisal of how fucking awful this "spleen" thing is, and secondly the bubbling noises he made as he drowned were kinda funny.



Thadius wrote :-



Arrival!

I arrived late in the spring of 269. I dropped my hammer just out of sight of the fort. Didn't want to be mistaken for a military man, nosiree. I walked up to the gates behind a bunch of other dwarves. At the front gate was a pile of buckets with a dwarf in them that questioned us when we walked by.

"Eh? Who's there? Someone new?"

"Aye. I be Thadius."

"And what be your profession?" the pile of buckets questioned.

"Well, me mam was a bowyer, me pap was a bowyer, and I be proud to call meself-"

"A bowyer, got it. NEXT!"

Aw fuck. I went to find the overseer so as to correct this issue before it became a matter of Permanent Record. Instead, she vomited in my face and told me to go pull a lever somewhere. Well, this seems to be the one and OH ARMOK HELP ME I CAN'T SWIM THERE'S NO AIR I'M CHOKING ON WATER!

...

Wait. I...I'm dead. I know because I can see my body. I just put my hand through my own head. Heh. Not so bad. I could run around scaring people this way! Might go down and find the other dead guys, raise some he-

OW. FUCK. What the fuck was that?! Looks like a line of black fishing wire? Maybe I can pull it out?

FUCK. No, that won't work. Hey! Where is it pulling me? Oh this does not bode well. Maybe I can hold on to some- what am I thinking? I'm a ghost!

Oh. Oh fuck. The adamantine vein. The reason I came here. Legend has it these things are what holds Hell Itself back from our world. Careful excavation will let a dwarf bring in rich rewards and no danger. Wait, is that a seam? Is that wall-?

Oh hell. They did breach it. And it looks like there are just enough holes in the wall for the demons to haunt them day and night and

SHIT. They're trying to pull me through the hole! Oh Armok, help me! If I must be dead, then I accept it, but not to them! NOT TO THEM! PLEASE NOT THEM!

ARGH THE SUDDEN FLASH OF RED! Wait. I'm on a raft. In an ocean of blood. Okay. Uh, Armok? I assume you heard me. Well, I thank you mightily for saving me. But what do you want from me?

"YOOOOOOU HAVE SLAAAAAAIN THE AAAAAAAAAAROGANT OOOOOOONES BEEEEEEEEFOOOOORE. COOOOOOOOME SPIIIIIINGTIIIIIME IIIII WIIIIIIILL PLAAAAAAAACE YOOOOOOOU BAAAAAAAACK IIIIIIIIIN THEEEEEEEEEEEE WOOOOOOOORLD WIIIIIIIITH YOOOOOOOOOUR HAAAAAAAAAAAAMMEEEEEEEEEEEER. YOOOOOOOOUR TAAAAAAAAASK WIIIIIIIIILL BEEEEEEEEE TOOOOOOOOO SLAAAAAAAAAY AAAAAAAAAAAAS MAAAAAAAANY AAAAAAAAAROGANT OOOOOOOONES AAAAAAAAAAS YOOOOOOOOU CAAAAAAAAAAAN. THEEEEEEEEEN AAAAAAAAND OOOOOOOONLY THEEEEEEEEEN WIIIIIIIIIL YOOOOOU BEEEEEEEEE PERRRRRRRRRRMIIIIIIIIITTED TOOOOOOOOOO RETUUUUUUUUURN TOOOOOOOOOOOOO GEMMMMMMMMCLOOOOOOOOOD."

...

Can do.