A King’s Ransom
Early Hematite, 267, Early Summer
The soldiers were tired and hungry and desperately needed some rest. As we marched victoriously through the gates, I heard a cave-in in the sky, and the aquifers above began to leak. It seems we were getting inside just in time. I smiled; we would refresh inside warm and dry, while our enemies would stay in the field damp, cold, and hungry. Perhaps the swamp will see fit to claim an elf or two. I lifted the civilian burrow confinement so that RZApulican could be carried in.
*
It seemed the elves didn’t want to stay out in the rain either.
With an exasperated sigh, I ordered all troops to immediately return to position. At least we had enough time for the civilians to hand us some waterskins and fistfuls of nuts. It would have to do for now.
*
The bears were driven into us confused and terrified, and since they lacked a rider’s direction, were quickly cut down. Unfortunately, one of our dogs was badly injured during the melee.
*
Repelex had shouted that the leader of this elf squad seemed particularly pompous. I peered out over the ramparts, and indeed, there rode an elven princess upon a camel. I ordered Repelex to debilitate her mount; I want the royal brat alive.
The princess turned the beast at just the wrong moment, and Repelex’s first shot struck the elf just below the knee. Her blood rushed from her face and out her leg, and she slumped around the animal’s neck.
With a curse, Repelex wound the next shot, took careful aim, and made sure the shot was true. It embedded right above the hoof, and with a cry of pain, the camel toppled to the ground.
Unfortunately, it looked like my plan of thoroughly humiliating the elves would not come to fruition; the elf was not made of as stern stuff as us dwarves and looked like she wouldn’t survive the wound.
Then another squad of elves erupted from the bog. Fortunately for us, the elven tactics are only as sophisticated as “cower then ambush.” They don’t seem to realize that closing the gap between our melee troops and their archers is a very poor plan.
They also showed their lack of priorities when they ran straight to our injured dog and ran him through and broke the other’s leg. While the men took care of any that tried to enter our home, I cut a path towards the elf captain. Only then realizing his many mistakes, he called a retreat, and all elves turned and ran.
*
Another civilian, who I thought was going to finally get RZA the help he deserved, ran out into the field, stopped when he spotted the elves, and cried out “Well, maybe it isn’t always time to fish.” A fleeing elf, drawn by this statement, took a wild shot. Thankfully, the elves hadn’t mastered metal making, so the wood rod made only a superficial wound to his stomach. This was still too much excitement for the dwarf; he vomited right there on his feet.
*
The battle itself seemed to be over; we had driven the elf cowards from the field. I walked up to where the elf princess lay in her own mess. “On behalf of the Famous Palisades, I welcome Your Highness to our fair kingdom. We accept Your people’s gifts of wood and hides, and hope You will stay with us for a long, long time.” Horror in her eyes, she tried to crawl away. I wasn’t going to let her not accept our hospitality.
markus_cz wrote :-
He is a princess... 
(No kills)
Vox Nihili wrote :-
That was pretty much the best update. It would have been fun to capture an elven "princess," but I think we can all agree that things turned out for the best.
Based on Adela's legends entry that Markus posted, we can see that "he" has been around since the beginning of elven civilization, so he's over 260 years old, and somehow declared himself a princess in his 260th year, despite having no connection to the royal lineage. He then started leading "attacks" against the defenseless, puny remaining Famous Palisade settlements, scoring no kills for himself but perhaps hoping to capture some "glory" in the process. Keep in mind that he has been around since the beginning, and his civilization has been at war with us for many decades, and only after our power was utterly broken did Adela decide to join in on the attacks, now that they are devoid of any danger.
Presumably, he learned of Gemclod's existence and assumed it would be another easily sacked hamlet. He was mistaken.
I say we devise a way to fling his body into the ranks of our enemies next time they decide to challenge our power.
Penguingo wrote :-
Minty posted:
Kikka wrote :-
Penguingo posted:
Babby's first smile
Bene Elim wrote :-
Already I am learning to dislike the military.
First their captain insults me (ok, so I was lying, but still), then they turn down my application to join just because I can't stand up in a chainmail shirt, then they take to leaving their empty barrels all the way up in the barracks, meaning that I have to go all the way up there to retrieve them.
But now they take the cake! They march back down into the fortress like conquering heroes after defeating a foe that could barely give them a splinter and they treck blood all the way through the brewery! I can't imagine what will happen if that crap gets into the barrels. We could lose the entire stock!
Stupid fucking militia! If it weren't for their adamantine, I'd go and give them a piece of my mind!
Boing wrote :-
A letter to the overseer:
As captain of the Gemclod fortress guard, I find in my hands the very delicate matter of fortress security. Disregarding the recent cave dog incident, I have devised a cunning plan to strike fear and pain into the hearts of our enemies that need not put any brave dwarf in harm's way. So far as I understand it, the magma pumping complex that I have designed has yet to be put to use. Moreover, the watchtowers at each corner of our palisade are used only rarely, for our marskdwarves are more than capable of striking from the battlements alone. To that end, I propose that the watchtowers be converted into magma-reservoirs, and the magma from below be pumped into them. Then, using dwarven mechanics and ingenuity, with the simplest pull of a lever, hot lava may be poured forth from our walls as naphtha onto any unsuspecting enemy below, scattering fleet-footed intruders and catching slower ones in painful, burning radiance that scorches flesh from bone. I believe this would be a valuable use of our resources.
P.S. Please inform Sirocco that I would speak to him for I cannot find him anywhere
Signed,
Boing Dalkamzefon