5th Yeol(?!)Limestone, 269: Oh Kudust my goddamn brainpan
Oh Kudust my goddamn brainpan
That was definitely too much wine
what day is it
how much did I drink...
....last...
month?
Ok cool, that’s one less month of my reign that I have to put up with
...
Kudust what the hell did I get up to
Guess I’ll never know
On to more pressing matters
like
why the hell are there two massive holes in the great hall
Umm
Probably not my fault
“Hey you, are these two holes my fault?”
“Yes ma’am, yes indeed”
damn
“O.K. what happened what did I do?”
“Well you and Markus went running up there and mined off the top of the two pillars that weren’t touching the floor...”
“...
...right”
“...and the pillars dropped down in to the Great Hall, and smashed through the floor, injuring K0npeito and Geri_khan and a dog...”
“...right”
“...and this weird cloud of magma appeared for some reason and burnt them and no one really knows why because there’s no magma around there”
“...I have no idea what to say now”
“...and the pillars then smashed right through the trade depot, destroying it and a bridge, throwing the merchants and cheese all over the fucking show...”
“...right”
“...and they smashed down through about 6 other levels of stock piles throwing all kinds of shit all over the place...”
“...right”
“...and they finally smashed down into the workshop level crushing a craftdwarves workshop and now there are two stone pillars in the workshops”
“...Ok. Well thats not so bad. I’m pretty sure that’s where Markus wanted them anyway, right? Pillars in the workshops? Get somebody down there and engrave them with some shit.”
“ummm ok”
“Hey before you go and do that what else did I get up to with Markus last...um...last month”
“Well he went nuts designing things and you just ordered everybody to do what he said. He went to expand the forges again which went badly for Perfect Potato, who drew the short straw for mining it out”
“Well was the expansion successful?”
“Uh, yeah, I guess?”
“Then she did not die in vain. Go build her a statue or something”
“Well you’ve already ordered a bunch of statues made. Like this one!”
“Aw what the hell, did Boing tell you to make that one? Leave the memory of Locomotive Breath alone. Go and carve it into something awesome”
“I’m not a mason”
“Shut up. What else did I get up to?”
“Well you came across Bad Munki yammering about demons in one of the halls and you were all ‘I’M NOT HAVING ANY OF THIS FIEND OF SNOW BULLSHIT’ and so you and Markus ran off down to the adamantine tube to make even more plans...”
“...and you’ve had the forges pumping out spikes and spears for the better part of the last two weeks and no one knows what you’re up to”
“Good. Neither do I. That way our plans will never get uncovered by our enemies. Remember this for the future in case you ever wake up drunk as an overseer. Anything else I should know?”
“You opened the door to the stairs of certain doom and now there’s a Giant Cave spider blocking the front gate”
“WHAT”
FUCK THAT SHIT
“MINTY! GO AND FUCKIN’ KILL IT”
“Shut up Pozzo. “
“what”
“My squads have dealt with it already. It webbed us...”
“eeeeewwww”
“...and it bit and killed two war dogs”
“But Nimby got it in the end.”
“Oh good. Well you can fuck off and spar or something.”
“I’ll fuckin’ spar you, you uppity goddamn drunk”
yeah you keep muttering you fat bastard
Anyway, that’s not the most amount of damage I’ve done on a binge
Man they should count themselves lucky that they missed the great whisky explosion of Vigorplanks
anyway I’m hungry
How are the food stores doing
Excellent, looks as though the farms are finally producing, and the butchery program has helped immensely and OH GOD WHAT THE FUCK HOW MUCH DID I DRINK
oh for fucks sake
Get everybody on priority brewing again
Really they should know better to up production when I’m about to binge
which is always
Penguingo wrote :-
Pozzo posted:
Please submit all future complaints in the form of a trap design and quit being so goddamn snarky about it
building smasherss
crussh them
Charlie72 wrote :-
SCIENCE TEAM Annual Report,269
Hell is other dwarfs (or how I learned to stop worrying and love the HFS)
We here at SCIENCE TEAM discovered the mystery of the HFS! They are not demons from hell, as some more superstitious dwarf tend to believe, but are in fact residents of the hollow part of the core of our world. We have made a map to help explain this.
As you can see, the HFS have almost completely exhausted their natural resources (and, unlike us, can't go into space to find new ones). We believe this situation lead to the collapse of their civilization. They do not have the technology to break through the layer of molten rock that separates are two lands. We think they gather around the breach in a hope to overwhelm us and take our precious natural resources. Luckily for us, all we have to do is wait for them to run out of food.
Dwarfborgs
So far, no luck.