Is it me? Do I need to change my name to Urist McMacbeth? Do I have a sign on my back saying HAUNT ME? I don't even know what this one has against me. Wasn't it Pozzo that got him killed? Got him to tunnel into a magma stream under the forges or something.
Fuck it, I am so sick of these spectral assholes now I don't even care why they're out to get me. He can get memorialised like all the rest.
Is it weird that I'm more pissed off at Pozzo than anything else? Call it professional jealousy but I can't even work out how she got any of these bastards killed, they're fucking immortal. You'd think running into a cave ogre in a pitch black cavern would do it, but no!
She punched it! She actually punched the fucking ogre that was strangling her to death! But at least she died, right? NO! She somehow woke up after being strangled for a solid five minutes, crawled away and up the stairs and then passed out again.
And then the ogre stood at the bottom of the stairs staring up at her. Just stood there, staring. It doesn't even have any fucking eyes! That's why they're called BLIND CAVE OGRES.
Anyway, it spent so long gawping that the military showed up and Mintied it. And then nuvan went back to work. Just stood up and went back to work like nothing happened.
Not a fucking scratch on her.
On the bright side, the Elfiary is finished. Walls and floor engraved clear glass door in place, bronze chain at the ready, cage all set up for the transfer.
At what do these fuckers do?
They fill my beautiful elf with crossbow bolts.
It was three days before it regained consciousness. It'll probably live, but of course the doctors here refuse to look at it.
I had that cat bone bed dragged right in front of the door so I can watch her as I lie in bed. I'm pretty sure it watches me as I sleep, too. That would be a more comforting thought if it would put that spear down.
Anyway, all efforts at domesticating or even just taming it have failed, but no matter. Tamed or not, an elf is still an elf, and the crossbow wounds have not impaired her grace one bit.
It. Her. Whatever.
At least not all my taming efforts have gone to waste. A cave crocodile emerged from the caverns recently and blundered into one of the cage traps I set up for just such an occasion.
Well naturally, that meant we had to find a female for a breeding pair, so I had Screaming Idiot tunnel up to an underground pool. Of course, I didn't tell him that the crocodile was right behind the wall he was set to dig through, along with ten thousand gallons of water.
I'd really prefer not to talk about what happened next.
See that bloodstain in the water? That's where he tunneled into the lake by the crocodile, two levels underwater. But that's not his blood, oh no. It's the fucking crocodile's blood.
WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO KILL THESE FUCKERS?
And to top it all off? He scared the crocodile away. Poof, gone. Haven't seen it since. I'm pretty sure the only sound from my office at this point was sobbing.
Well, if I can't kill them, I can at least un-kill them.
Ugh, that just depresses me even more. Is there even any point in killing them? It barely seems to slow them down. Maybe it'll make me feel better, at least.
Oh gods, no. It can't be.
No. NO. I haven't managed to kill one of the fuckers on purpose yet and there's more arriving?
Aha. Ahahaha.
Well you know what? It doesn't even matter now. My grand design is almost finished. You hear me, Gemclod? You will rue the day you messed with Mr. Vile.
I'll beat you yet, Gemclod. Oh yes, I'll beat you yet.
Mr. Vile wrote :-
That is a slightly more explicit hint, yes. Also, the green wall there is glass and I've been collecting crocodiles.
Will the pumps not work if they're pointed at the wall? I sort of ballsed the placing of the pumps up a bit and left myself with nowhere else to put them.
Pozzo, what visualiser was it you used for those pictures of the Duckhivekeg? I'll go take some of my deathtrap to make things a bit clearer.
EDIT: Never mind, this shows it much better
markus_cz wrote :-
pre:
A NOTE FROM: Markus cz. Orbsand, the Great Architect
CHISELED BY: Pozzo, yeah THE one Pozzo
FOR: Mr. Sporefucking Vile, appraise my ass
That's right, I've bonked my head against a Monduldamned ceiling over the motherfucking Entrance Pit, where there's no sensible reason to have a goddamned ceiling, seeing as it is a fucking Pit, and not an Entrance Tunnel neither a shitty Entrance Crawl, and it certainly wasn't Designed with a fucked-up ceiling to bonk one's head against, thank you very much, you fucking cunt of an overseer, I'm gonna kill you, see if I don't. (That's what the old man said. Or what he would say if he weren't such a whiny tight-ass polite fairy not that he's a bad guy, and he certainly knows how to drink a keg in one breath, but you know... so yeah, I'm spicing his speech up a bit, but you wouldn't like it other way, trust me).
Right, so he's I've bonked my head.
Could your elf-admiring fucking lordship pretty please explain his ass as to what's a goddamned ceiling doing in MY entrance?! I tell you: it's OBSTRUCTING, that's what it's doing! In which case let this humble slate be your first and only ultimatum: you've got exactly about until the year's end to remove your fucked up ceiling from MY entrance and revert it back to the state it was in after the yours trully last overseer's reign, or I'll round up the masons and believe me I have Friends! amongst the masons and we'll brick you in your fucking rooms (which is another disgrace and a breach of the Design, by the way) together with your elven princess bitch AND I'm gonna build myself a catapult and blast your godfucked green-glass ceiling into smithereens!
(He actually used that word, by the way.)
Mr. Vile wrote :-
NeoAnjou
Goatie
Orbi
Tyskil
Thingyman
Farseli
Owlkill
cucka
Pumpkinreaper
Xerxe
cucka wrote :-
Journal of cucka Bronzescribed, Soap Maker
It seems my fears were of no accord. There was trouble, but it was mere disease and it was dealt with.
Mostly.
Anyway... ooh there's a kitty. Look at him. He doesn't give a shit. He just sits there and ignores the world and loves doing it.
Anyway, all seems well. I made it here. This is now home, the last hope for our kind.
We must act, we must... look at that fucking kitty. That greasy cocksucker is just pretending he doesn't care. Look At The Fucking Thing! He's such a bastard! That's great!
Tias wrote :-
Entry for Tias Copperhawk, Axedwarf.
This is a diary update in dwarfish script, chiseled in shale page. All craftdwarfsship is of somewhat nifty quality
So I get to Gemglod. It's really, really.. dwarfish I guess. I saw some unicorn horn in the pile of corpses outside, so there's that it has going for it. I got a mug of dwarven ale and a place in the militia, and in no time I was fighting elves and gorillas.
Fancy that. The overseer doesn't seem to like fighting, he should take a turn at it so he can get used to the screams.
Nice place, all in all, even if all the weird blood and muck sticks to my once nice beard!