Mortuus kept whining about how he was missing a hand and how that made him sad. Sissy. Try being unable to walk and not drinking booze for the better part of a decade!
I ordered slabs to be put along the walls in the cloud bar, like I've been requested to.
Mortuus soon went from whining to screaming non-stop for about a day and a half. I don't think he stopped for breath once. It would've been impressive if it didn't make me want to kill him. I demoted him back to fish dissector since he wouldn't stop yelling about his armor.
After a few days I noticed those slabs were taking for-fucking-ever to be built. When I polled the populace about their jobs, more than half of them said it "wasn't their job" to move anything around. This included rescuing and tending to wounded dwarves. Indeed, the more I looked, the more dwarves with bizarre job choices I noticed.
Seriously, it wasn't even funny.
After reassigning jobs, I ordered every dwarf of age who wasn't carrying a pick to carry an axe at all times, in order to prepare our assault on The Green Menace.
Unfortunately a couple dwarves started screaming non-stop like Mortuus until I told them that having missing hands exempted you from the order. I swear, most of these dwarves are acting like they're more sober than I am.
Not that being sober for so long has done anything to my mind. No, it's still sharp as an axe blade. An axe blade perfectly crafted for hacking down the Trees.
...it was also pointed out to me that placing a bunch of blank slabs wouldn't do anything to the alleged ghost threat. Whiners. I had to order them all to be engraved before they're placed.
Conveniently, I received reports about these so-called "ghosts" arising at about the same time I got complaints about the blank slabs. Bunch of superstitious idiots, the lot of them.
Oh, and a few people from the Mason's Guild were screaming at me about something but I told them to blow an oak.
Meanwhile, construction on one of the roads for King Penguin finished up. It was a road made of solid platinum bars melted together, a hunk of metal fit for a king.
Of course, that meant that it wasn't even close to being fit for the King.
Soon after it was finished, I got a report from the dwarf who built it that a ghost baby had shown up and was crawling around the room it was in.
That's just retarded.
While I was busy drawing up notes for Phase 2 of my Master Plan I heard ChickenWing howl something like "blood for the blood throne," and run off toward the forges.
I looked out of one of the gem windows to get a lay of the land, and noticed there was a beak dog swimming around in the reservoir. When I asked about it, Commatoes said he'd been throwing it scraps of meat coated in his infected leakages to try to kill it. He said "it only got meaner looking."
And the Squad calls ME the crazy one.
In order to prepare for Phase 3, I ordered all access tunnels to the adamantine caves sealed shut. We would not be able to afford any interferences.
ChickenWing finally made it to the forge after running around yelling gibberish for a few hours.
A few days later I got approached by Markus, who looked uncharacteristically angry. When I asked what was wrong, he told me all the slabs I'd commissioned were engraved with "Here lies _______, peperony and chaese." The engraver had forgot to put the names in the blanks before putting them in place, and none of us could figure out what the hell 'peperony and chaese' meant.
While I bickered with Markus over whose fault it was (totally not mine), Schneeble ran into the room completely naked, took a deep breath, and keeled over dead. Markus sighed and dragged him out to the coffin factory.
Anyways, the lava flood seems to be slowing down, which means I ca-
WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING
SWEET ARMOK'S LIVER THERE REALLY ARE GHOSTS! AND ONE JUST TRIED TO KILL ME!
Luckily it got confused and went for the non-crippled moocher in the room. I got lucky, the Trees hired an incompetent assassin. But this means the Trees know I'm on to them.
I'll have to make my move ahead of schedule, then. The Master Plan will be enacted at dawn.