1st Granite, 269: Mondul Help Me I Need A Drink
Fuck. Overseer again. Ok, hopefully none of them will know what a mess I made of Stockadehalls
God those poor donkeys
Anyway, thats the past, this’ll be fine, it’s only a year, just see out the year.
Ok, who thinks they’re in charge of this place?
Hey! Boing! I remember her! well I remember reading about her She’s doing well for herself!
I’ll just let her know that I’m in charge now.
“Hey Boing, you’re looking good today, see the...ah...children? The children are growing...well?”
“What do you want, Pozzo?”
“Hey do you remember that time you stabbed that beakdog in the face, out in the swamp? That was awesome. You’re awesome.”
“Pozzo. What do you want.”
“Ahem. Well. I’m just dropped by to let you know I’m in charge now...so...you’re not the mayor anymore. I’ll be looking after that. We had a vote or something.”
“No you’re not. We had no election.”
“Yeah we did. This note from Yellow the First says I’m the mayor now. Or the overseer. Which is like the mayor, only I have no accountability. It’s like you’re the Queen of Spades, but I’m the Joker. So you’re all ‘La la la la I’m better than all the spades, I’m the queen’ and I’m all like ‘FUCK YOU, WILD CARD!!!” so basically I’m the overseer now and I want to be the mayor. So I’m like the joker and the Queen of Spades. I’m going to be the whole goddamn deck of cards.”
“This is highly irregular”
“Hey do you know what, Boing? Fuck you. I thought you were cool. Get out of my office.”
I thought I handled that quite well.
Ok I really need a drink my head feels like my brain did a shit
Kudust that is a lot of wine
Hey hey! Whiskey! I am so there!
Right so here’s the liquor, wheres all the food
“Ummmm...you there, are you a butcher? whats your name?”
“Beardman”
“Beardman, where the fuck is all the food?”
“Ah, I don’t know”
“Beardman, why the fuck are we surrounded by dogs?”
“Ah I don’t know.”
“Ok, sort it out then”
“What?”
“HOT DOGS, BEARD MAN, HOT DOGS!!!”
His eyes just lit up. Weirdo.
“Um what about all the cats?”
He’s right, there are a fuck load of cats around
“ummmm...Hot Cats!”
“What about the mules, and donkeys, and the cows?”
“Kudust, Beardman, just kill everything, for fucks sake. Are you hungry? I’m god damn starving.”
“Really!? I’m just....I’m so happy. Wait, who are you again?”
“I’m the overseer. Get on with it.”
O.K. that is one creepy looking dwarf. Never seen anyone that happy. Ok that looks more like a grimace of pain than a smile now.
What
Why the shit did he just run three steps and fall over
“....mmyyyy...spleen”
“Your what? Ok vomiting on yourself is not going to help, trust me. Hey. HEY. Beardman!”
Goddamn it. Passed out. He really better roll over on to his side or he is going to choke to death on the vomit in his sleep. Where the fuck are the doctors?
Ok now why the shit are our doctors beating the shit out of each other?
Ok, lets check the books, who else has a spleen. Sounds disgusting, whatever it is. Why are the doctors not removing them?
Ok so we got about 15 dwarves complaining of a spleen and our surgeon is taking a drink
Who am I kidding I’d be taking a drink too
I’m going to have one now
But seriously why the hell has no one diagnosed these fools?
These doctors need to sort their shit out
“HEY! KABOOM DRAGOON! SORT YOUR SHIT OUT”
“Private, that is no goddamn way to talk to your superior officer!”
What
Right this shit ends now. I hate these goddamn military idiots.
“Ok somebody get me every dwarf that thinks they are in the military. Tell them to meet me in that big fuck off hall over there, I’ll be there in ten minutes.”
Where is the goddamn hospital
Ok I haven’t seen this much vomit since I beat that demon at poker
Why is this room filled with mud
How the hell do I clean this
What do all these levers do?
The only one labelled says “room 1 cleaner”
“Ah Pozzo, the militia have assembled”
“Oh right. Thanks”
Fucking quick little bastards that was only about 2 minutes
Guess this lever will have to wait
Kudust theres a lot them
“Hey, is that just everybody in the fort?”
“Most of them Ma’am”
“Good god. OK, I JUST WANT YOU TO DIVIDE UP BY SQUADS, AND I WANT ALL OF THE SQUADS THAT HAVE DWARVES THAT CAN ACTUALLY FIGHT TO ASSEMBLE ON THE LEFT SIDE OF THE ROOM AND ALL THE INEXPERIENCED SQUADS ON THE RIGHT”
Oh so now you’re going to take your time
Come on
“Ok, is that everybody? Good. Now I want everybody on the right side of the room to fuck off, you’re not in the military anymore.”
“Um, who the hell are you?”
“The Overseer. Aren’t you meant to be fucking off?”
Epee Em ("Beardman", remember?) wrote :-
Day in, day out, the heavenly chorus I will refer to as the "meow-chop disassembly" continues. Well, there are dogs in the lineup as well. And cows. And I think a war donkey or two? In any case, Overseer Pozzo is treating me well. As with Overseer Yeol, my talents are once again being put to good use providing raw materials for Gemclod.
It has come to my attention, however, that the "Portable Armok Shrines" aren't as popular with the others as I may have expected. Heathens. However, they have framed their complaints in a way I find irresistible. Namely, they complain that while I am able to derive use from the meat and bones of fallen enemies, blood barrels go unused and unwanted.
Given Overseer Pozzo's panic over brewing, I see what I must do. I will detail the complexities for "blood brewing" as best I can, though this seems akin to a black art. I dabble in forces that are far beyond my understanding, things that form the basis of a dwarf's world itself. So be it.
After observing the stills in action, the fundamentals for "blood brewing" have become clear, though I have realized that it will remain little more than useless speculation and idealism. Unfortunate.
(In OOC terms, that means that this won't work without regenerating the world, so unfortunately Gemclod will never see a barrel of =warthog blood whiskey=, sadly. Add this to reaction_other.txt in the raws and don't forget to add a [PERMITTED_REACTION:BLOOD_BOOZE] entry in the entity_default.txt listing for dwarves!)
[REACTION:BLOOD_BOOZE]
[NAME:brew blood]
[BUILDING:STILL]
[REAGENT:A:1:LIQUID:NONE:NONE:NONE][REACTION_CLASS:BLOOD]
[PRODUCT:10:1:LIQUID:NONE:GET_MATERIAL_FROM_REAGENT:A:]
[SKILL:BREW]
[AUTOMATIC]
(Maybe this would work? Brewing is hard-coded and isn't a reaction present within the raws, so this is more of a custom reaction that happens to take place at the still. I don't have anything to compare to, but I'm pretty sure this will work, and if not, necessary changes would likely be minimal.)
Edit: Wait, no, by Armok, NO! I haven't created a blood-brewer code, I've created a blood MULTIPLIER! You'd just get 10 units of blood for every 1 unit put in! I don't think the raws currently support this, because the actual alcohol products aren't capable of being put into the [PRODUCT:] token as they're hard-coded and not represented in raws. Oh well. My attempts at dwarven mad science seem to have failed utterly!
The shame!
White-Devil wrote :-
A surgeon's journal.
Welp, this is... not what that elf-loving employment agency promised me when they said: "A nice fort in the warmer regions."
Oh it's the warmer regions all right. I'm boiling away but that's not the worst thing about this place, that's The Smell, by Mondul's dust... Although I got to say it's not as bad as when I first came here.
"Aaaah, a fresh new fortress, a fresh new start. In a swamp... great. Oh well, It can't be that... What IS that smell? OH MY GOD! IT'S LIKE A MASSGRAVE HERE AT THE FRONT GATES!"
At least the Overseer, YeOldeButchere, seemed like a decent dwarf. Direct AND to the point, pleasant change of pace that. When I and the other migrants had just arrived he had us line up and state our proffessions. Quickly afterwards he yelled: "Right, you two (Me and another dwarf, Mail man... something like that.) report to the hospital. The rest of you meat anvils! REPORT TO THE MILITIA COMMANDER!"
Phew, I've never been so scared in my life.
At least the hospital is nice. Or at least they say it is. I have been too busy getting to intimately know all the various drinks they make here to take a look, well, until Kaboom Dragoon started kicking me in the head when I was just about to empty a bottle of sweet, sweet wine.
Apparantly they changed Overseer when I wasn't looking (Or were sober long enough to notice.) and the new one is a bit of an, to quote Kaboom: "Arse Biscuit." Not a medical condtion that I know of but hey, I just cut stuff off people, I don't know the whole fancy MeDiCal ScIeNcE behind it.
That's for the diagnostician and chief medical dwarf, or as I like to call them "Mr Know-it-all" and "Miss Asslicker."