17th Granite, 269: Thieves! Damn Thieves!
Thieves! Damn thieves, the lot of them!
I must have trained Boing well because it seems shes been operating a full blown kleptocracy while she was mayor
Looks as though she has given herself a new set of rooms each time she acquired a new position
Including, unbelievably, two throne rooms
In fact there are way too many thrones around here, and the one dwarf with a legitimate claim on a throne room sits mumbling in his sleep under a pile of buckets by the door
Well I shall put paid to this oligarchy! Down with tyrants! Boings kleptocracy ends here!
IT IS TIME FOR THE KLEPTOCRACY OF POZZO
THE BEST KLEPTOCRACY
The best Kleptocracy for 269!
269, the sexiest year in 200 years
The best Kleptocracy for the sexiest year
I will return the wealth and the power to the people!
Well, thats not exactly accurate
To one person in particular.
Who the fuck is this Yeol guy
Where is he
I want my throne room
Where the shit is he
This place is huge
This place is a huge muddy maze filled with vomit and bones
Actually hold on a minute
Vomit and bones and...gems??
This fucking room has about 50 gems in it
Gems just lying in any old damn place
Just in the middle of the floor. Just tripping over them. Picking them out of your ale.
Better sort this out, consolidate all the gems into one place.
Somewhere safe.
Like my new office.
Actually I know what would make this stockpile better
That reminds me. I’m thirsty.
...
OH NO
OH MY GOD
WE’VE ONLY GOT 951 DRINKS LEFT
KUDUST HELP ME, EVERYTHING IS TOPSY TURVY
“SOMEBODY GET ME THE BREWERS CORPS!!!”
“excuse me the what?”
“THE BREWERY CORPS! THERE’S ONLY 951 DRINKS LEFT!!! who are you anyway”
“I’m Illarkul...we don’t have a brewery corps, we usually just leave it up to Stimm or Mashonen...they share the still but I guess they’ve been busy lately”
“BUSY?!?! BUSY??!?!! DOING WHAT?! “
“Um, well”
Fuck
those goddamn military cunts again
I mean, militarise the stonecrafters sure, militarise the milkers, militarise the soap makers even, but the brewers?
It’s indwarfane
Profane, even
Actually this place proves that you should not militarise the soap makers either
anyway
“WAIT WHAT DO YOU MEAN ‘THE STILL’?! Surely you mean “the stillSSSSSS”
“ Um, no, theres only the one”
WHAT
I think I’m going to cry
“You! Illarkul! Go and round up everybody in the fort who can brew, and get them to meet me in the food stockpile!!”
“But I have to plant some se-”
“SHUT UP. DO IT. THIS IS FOR YOUR OWN GOOD”
~~~
TEN MINUTES PASS
“Ok, I’ve got the 9 of you here because I realised we have a dire emergency on our hands...”
“...There are only 717 drinks left in the fort, besides an emergency store I have now set aside in my office. If we’re not careful we might not last out the week. Stimm! I want you to get to brewing IMMEDIATELY on the current still. I want the rest of you to each to build your own still, right here, right in the stockpile, where you’ll be close to the ingredients...”
“...and I’m afraid I will have to limit your supply of alcohol until you are done. I have set aside 450 barrels of our remaining booze stock to give you a small supply of 50 barrels each but I am afraid that is all we can afford to give you. As you know such a measly supply would barely last a day, but I’m afraid you will have to ration yourselves out until your stills are up and you can begin producing more booze for us.”
I hope they make it
Kudust help me I’ve only got 234 barrels left myself
This is a nightmare
Ok I’ve got to think about other things or I shall fall entirely into despair
How are the doctors doing I wonder
Terribly.
What a shower of limp wristed cunting elves.
At least they did what I asked and tried the lever/cleaner
Apparently all the lever did was make a bunch of sloshing noises and lock the door to room 1
Well not locked as such but they’re all
“Bloo bluh bloo we’re weak waaaaaah waaah wah the door’s closed”
Well you better fucking open it then, hadn’t you, you bastards
I’ll check on them later.
The brewers, lets see how they’re going, they’ve had what ten minutes or half an hour or something
Wow, three up already
These guys work fast
wow and they’ve not even touched their barrels yet
MORE FOR ME
You know I really think I’m getting my groove on with this overseeing shit. I could see myself really gett-
wait
what was that
Did I just hear a lonely wail of rage?
It’s probably nothing.
YeOldeButchere wrote :-
Journal of Yeol Daebo Tcher, Legendary Armorer and Still Emperor of All Dwarves
Granite Something 269, probably
So.
It's been a few weeks since I locked myself in here. I think. It's quiet. Peaceful. I actually kind of like it. Not having to worry about what those idiots are doing, not having to worry about the elves or whether we'll all starve to death or about that giant flying worm that can kill you just by looking at you.
I've got to say I'm surprised no one's tried to come down here since then. I thought they'd probably send the military to drag me back to the forge. Maybe the new overseer has decided to grant my request. Or more likely the new overseer can't read and doesn't know I'm down there.
Or maybe the grizzly bears have already killed everyone in Gemclod. Wait, no, it's the elves that were the real problem. But they're allied with the grizzly bears... So I guess it's possible. Maybe I should have brought an adamantine axe down here too.
Oh, who am I kidding. The grizzly bears will never make it here, and even if they do there's a solid steel door, AND a ballista waiting for them so they're not getting past.
...unless they come through the magma.
Shit.
markus_cz wrote :-
“Leperfish, quick, go inside, I need you to write something for me,” cried Markus.
That was in the hallway. Leperfish was just closing the door to his office, carrying a basket full of random small things – chisels, mugs, the occasional bone flute... He shook his head with resignation. “I'm sorry Markus, that won't be possible. We've just been evicted from our offices.”
“What? Again?”
As he nodded in approval, Leperfish realised there was something wrong. The look in Markus' face wasn't sad, nor indignant... the architect was positively gleaming. He hadn't seen his friend like this for years!
“Never mind then,” continued Markus. “We'll just write it here. Sit, sit, take a chisel. I have a Design!”
Lowering the basket to the engraved floor, Leperfish procured a slate tablet and his writing instruments...
quote:
A NOTE FROM: Markus cz. Orbsand, the Great Architect
CHISELED BY: Leperfish Boltslaughter, Assistant Architect
FOR: Pozzo, the dru Overseer of Gemclod and a friend
Pozzo, dear friend, congratulations to your overseership! I knew you were destined for great things ever since you'd shown up at the gates of Gemclod, unable to pronounce a word. Good for you! Do you remember Commatoes?
Neither did I! But just today I was accosted by this lovely child Bob, who lead me up to the shackle by the entrance to see his “bucket friend”. At first I thought it was just a pile of discarded farming tools, and I laughed, and Bob told me I were just like all the others. But then a voice boomed from below the pile. Turns out Commatoes is not only alive and kicking, but he's also somehow managed to get himself named a baron.
Now why I'm writing – we have a baron in Gemclod, and he lives in a hut! We shouldn't allow for the best of us to live in conditions like that, we must build splendid houses and rooms that will cheer us while we live, and commemorate us when we are gone. While the baron's hut has some nice furniture, the space is appallingly bleak and gloomy. It needs more light!
Fortunately, as both the Great Architect and the Humble Bookkeeper, I've found a perfect solution. See, we have a huge stack of unused gems:
Let's put them to a good use and make Commatoes some gem windows! Imagine how the hut will look like when the light starts coming in through gems of all colours!
I've taken the liberty to draw the plans (via Leperfish):
Just say a word and I'll round up the workers. Let's make Gemclod a little bit more splendid and fabulous place! (And get rid of all the useless gem clutter on the floors.)