The Day The Heroes Died (Dwarven Pie)



text by Kenning

Sung by Bene Elim, music arranged by APinAP:





A long, long time ago
I can still remember how the elf-blood used to stain the grass.
And I knew if some goblins came,
And tried to slander Gemclod's name
That someone here would straight-up kick their ass.

But Felsite was just such a bummer;
If anything we've gotten dumber.
Awful choice in hindsight,
Migrating here; this place bites.

I can't remember if I sighed
When I saw how that guy Charlie tried
To send those beakdogs for a ride
And all our heroes died.

Oh why, why did our champions die?
Not from Nolio or madness but a beak to the eye.
And with no hope left that anyone will survive,
Well I guess it's time to plan our demise.
Thanks for all the good times you guys.

Did you come expecting gold
And did you want to escape the cold,
Maybe live in luxury?
Oh do you believe in the dwarven way
Of work and battle every day,
And maybe ending up an amputee?

Well I know you thought it would be swell
Just to come and share our stinky hell
And we worked hard it's true,
But then that's just what dwarves do.

Though it's an awesome place to keep a hoard
Of gems and glass and pretty swords
Its hopelessness was underscored
The day the heroes died.

And now we're singin'
Why, why did our champions die?
Not from Nolio or madness but a beak to the eye.
And with no hope left that anyone will survive,
Well I guess it's time to plan our demise.
Thanks for all the good times you guys.

Oh for 10 years we've been going strong
Despite all everyone did wrong
Running this godawful place.
Yeah we killed some beasts and we forged some steel
In a swamp so putrid it's unreal
And the heat, well, it might melt off your face.

And the overseers – what a joke!
You'd think they're all strung out on coke.
A decade of misrule
By a big collection of foo-oools.

And then well, Charlie capped it off that day
When Minty was just thrown away.
What was he thinking anyway?
The day the heroes died.

And so we're singin'
Why, why did our champions die?
Not from Nolio or madness but a beak to the eye.
And with no hope left that anyone will survive,
Well I guess it's time to plan our demise.
Thanks for all the good times you guys.

I guess it's true, the future's bright
Despite the looming future fights,
And monsters every which-a-way.
With Minty dead and Nimby soon,
And Enzer we've long bid adieu,
Is anyone here left to save the day?

And in the end, we'll surely perish,
Laid down in tombs both cheap and garish.
Famed throughout the swampland,
For all the shit we withstand.

And Charlie has a bit more time –
Before his bells of judgment chime –
To try and make up for his crime,
The day the heroes died.

The dwarves are singin'
Why, why did our champions die?
Not from Nolio or madness but a beak to the eye.
And with no hope left that anyone will survive,
Well I guess it's time to plan our demise.
Thanks for all the good times you guys.

Oh why, why did our champions die?
Not from Nolio or madness but a beak to the eye.
And with no hope left that anyone will survive,
Well I guess it's time to plan our demise.

OOC: Don't take it personal, Charlie, peon dwarfs just tend to get exasperated.



Kenning wrote :-

The Day The Heroes Died

There's not much to say about this one except that it was a blast to write. It was super serendipitous that it took place in year 10, so I could use the line "Oh for 10 years we've been going strong." I'm also glad I've written an American Pie parody, there are too few of those.